How to Make Someone Love You — Single Most Important Piece of Advice

For those of you who’ve visited my website,  have heard me lecture, and/or who have read my book, (Lucky in Love ),  you know that I have a rather extensive philosophy about what makes people irresistible in love.   The essence of it, however, goes hand in hand with my previous post:   Make people feel good about themselves.

This does not mean drowning people in false (or even real) flattery.  While this might get you dates,  it’s not the basis for a deep and meaningful relationship which will transform your (and their) life.

I am a huge believer in the transformative power of true love, and have dedicated my life to helping people understand what love really is,  and how to invite more of it into your life.  To  achieve this does take some work  — on ourselves above all, because in understanding ourselves at the deepest possible level,  we learn to understand others. And understanding others is the essence of love.

So, what is the single best  thing you can do to get people to absolutely adore you?

See them as they really are; see them they see themselves and see them as  they wish to be –  and help them reconcile all three.

When you can help another person see the potential for greatness in him or herself,  and if you help them navigate that path,  your value to them increases a hundred fold.

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Lucky in Love

Lucky in Love:
Secrets to Being Irresistible

Lucky in Love

Change your life! Order your copy now! Click here.

Wisdom distilled from many years of loving, dating, failing, picking myself up again, dusting myself off, and getting back into the fray. If you follow even 10% of the advice in this book, your love life will improve 1000%. I promise.

“I think Lucky in Love is one of the best books on the subject of love and relationships I’ve ever read. I run the matchmaking program at a large singles organization and immediately ordered copies for every member of my program.”

Lisa M, W. Orange, NJ

“Lucky in Love is insightful, funny and full of great advice. I’ve reread it dozens of times already, and every time I do, I understand Adrienne’s philosophy a little more. It’s especially helpful when I’m in the midst of relationship problems. This really helps me put things in perspective.”

–Diane G., Stamford, CT

“From the first page, Lucky in Love had my attention. It explores all those things you already know, intellectually, about love and explains them in a way your emotions can understand.”

–Brian B., New York, NY

“I’ve been carrying around Lucky in Love in my handbag since I got it three weeks ago. I reread it every day, and every time I do, I absorb a little more of Adrienne’s very wise philosophy.”

Sandra L, Brooklyn, NY

“This book makes so much sense. It should be required reading! ”

Kelly J, Astoria, NY

“Adrienne’s lectures are so inspiring, and this book is a continuation of her positive and amazingly useful philosophy. Often her suggestions require a serious change of attitude on my part, but every time I follow her advice and make that effort, I see the benefit in all my relationships.”

Rachel S, Great Neck, NY

Get Lucky in Love

OK, so maybe you’re not the type for self-help or follow-the-guru mumbo jumbo but maybe you’re also tired of having a less than stellar love life.  In one night,  dating coach and motivational speaker Adrienne Gusoff promises to teach you not only some useful philosophy to help you keep your sanity and self-esteem while dating,  but also practical techniques to help boost your success rate with the opposite sex.  Can you say “love magnet?”

Where: International Center for Positive Change and Hypnosis
545 Eighth Avenue (37/38th), Suite 930
New York, NY

When: Thursday, November 1, 2012
Time: 6 pm-9pm

Price:
$49 day of
$39 booked before Nov 1
$35 early booking (before October 1) (includes free gift)
$29 per person if two or more book at once, so book with a friend today!

to register, visit:  www.artofepiphany.com

Be Careful What You Wish For…Your Wish Just Might Come True

Wishing for something is another way of saying “focusing mental and emotional energy on” it.   If you’ve never seen the movie, Bedazzled,  (either the Peter Cook-Dudley Moore 1967 version,  or the Brendan Fraser- Elizabeth Hurley 2000 version) I recommend them both highly…not just because they are both equally brilliant and hilarious,  but because the premise is a wonderful metaphor for how we desire.

Essentially,  Stanley sells his soul to the Devil in exchange for seven wishes.  All his wishes center around trying to get a certain woman to fall in love with him so they can live happily ever after.   The Devil,  however,  (being a devil) takes him at his word and each time,  gives him exactly what he asks for, which of course,  never turns out to be what he wants.  There is always some element which frustrates him and/or makes him miserable.

One of  Stanley’s big mistakes, is that he focuses too much on either superficial things or on the structure of the relationship,  leaving the Devil ample latitude to mess with feelings.  For example, in one scenario,  he is wealthy and powerful and married to the love of his life — just what he asked for — except she is in love with someone else.

Are you focusing too much on attaining goals which are only superficial to your ultimate happiness?   If you got EXACTLY what you wanted,  would that satisfy you? Make you happy?  Are you certain?  What about that situation or achievement would make you happy?  Is  there perhaps a surer path to that goal; one that may be more in your control?   More within your ability to attain?

These are questions a good life coach can help you define and answer.

Be Careful What You Wish For…

One of my clients been reading a lot lately about manifesting one’s desires with positive thinking.  In other words, “Ask, and the Universe shall give it to you.”

I do believe one can have a lot of success with this approach,  but I don’t think it’s the “Universe” per se,  giving you what you want.  There’s nothing magical or mystical about it.

When you have a clear goal in mind for yourself,  you are not distracted by the things that pull you away from that goal.   If your laser focus is on making lots of money,  you are probably going to be working longer hours;  enjoying  less recreational time;   perhaps not “wasting” money on “frivolous” things but rather pumping it all back into your endeavor.

Likewise, if all you want is to get married,  it is unlikely that you will “waste your time” on “unsuitable” dates who don’t meet your “criteria.”

You will notice I have used a lot of quotes in the above paragraphs on what I would consider subjective terms.  Let me explain further…

Too often,  we think we want one thing, but in reality, that object of desire merely represents what we actually want.    For example, when I work with singles, one of the most common goals I hear from women is “I want to get married.”

As a specific objective,  this can lead to big mistakes that may negatively impact the rest of their lives.  Before taking laser aim at this target,  I ask them to question their actual motivations.  What does marriage represent to them?  For a lot of women,  it’s all about the big, fairy tale wedding with them as Queen for the Day.  Their goal is the party where they are the center of attention, NOT the marriage itself.

For some women,  marriage represents a public acknowledgement that they are worthwhile; that someone values them enough to marry them.  For others, it’s about security and being taken care of.   For some, it’s about having a father for the child(ren) they want.

I don’t believe any of these are reason alone for getting married.  For any relationship to be happy and healthy, it is imperative that we enter it knowing first how to take care and value ourselves.  Marriage should be about mutual support and friendship; with a deep respect of each others’ goals.  To enter marriage with a need for validation is a sure recipe for failure.   Want to be the center of attention at a party? Well, then throw yourself a huge bash,  but never mistake a wedding for a marriage.  A wedding is over in a few hours;  a marriage, if you’re lucky,  lasts the rest of your life.

Likewise,  people often chase money, fame and/or success because they need outside validation.  Validation for one’s worth only has meaning when it comes from within.  I so often meet outwardly successful people who are terribly insecure within; what drives their success is their deeply rooted need for the validation of others.

Let’s go back to that earlier paragraph, with all the quotation marks.  Generally speaking,  if you ask people why they want to achieve a certain goal or possess a specific thing,  at the root of the answer is, “I believe this will make me happy.”    Often people will pursue these goals with amazing single-mindedness. Worse, they beat themselves up if they cannot  achieve them.   People rarely give much consideration to what will truly make them happy.  In fact, few people spend any time at all even thinking about what happiness really is.

For many people,  “happiness” is some imagined state in the future that will occur when certain conditions have been met. (i.e. marriage, the great job,  success in their field,  fame,  certain goals achieved or bad things eliminated, etc.)

Studies after study has shown that achieving goals does not bring happiness, because there is always another goal, and another, and another.  Happiness is rather a state of mind.  Happy people have a certain skill set that allows them to be happy under almost any circumstance.

Happiness is the equilibrium that allows you to process your life in a positive, healthy way.   It is knowing how to ride the wave of emotion instead of drowning in it.  It is the confidence of knowing you can roll without breaking.  It is the appreciation of the lessons in the journey.  It is the ability to find joy in small, seemingly insignificant things.

Happiness is not the absence of sadness but rather the understanding that life is full of sadness which will not kill you. In fact, it will bring you deeper understanding, which in turn, will make you more content.

As the Buddhists say, “Life is pain; suffering is optional.”   In other words,  pain is what life gives you; suffering is what you do to yourself.

 

© 2011 Adrienne E. Gusoff    http://www.artofepiphany.com   all rights reserved