Single Most Important Piece of Advice when Looking for Love

Somebody recently asked me what the single most important piece of advice I could give to those looking for love.   I said, “Judge people purely on how they make you feel.”

Stop evaluating potential dates based on superficial things such as status,  income, appearance.  Consider only if you like the way you feel about yourself, deep inside, when you’re around them.   Do they inspire you to greatness or make you feel petty?  Do they encourage you be the best you can be or are they threatened by any success and independence you might achieve?

A “great catch” might make you feel temporarily proud that you are worth of such a prize,  but think about how this relationship is going to play out in the long run.  Does this person make you feel secure and loved?   Do you feel safe,  listened to,  understood? Can you be your natural self and always feel accepted? Are your feelings and needs respected?  Do you feel as if you’re a team of equals,  each watching out for the other’s best interest?

This does require a bit of extrapolation because, to a degree,  you have to be able to visualize and predict how you will feel in the future.

For example,  women LOVE to nurture and be needed.  It might be nice, initially, to be with a man who really needs and depends on her,  but how is it going to ten years from now, when she’s still playing the role of his mother?

Beauty,  money, fame, success may be initially seems like great “gets” in a partner, they will do nothing to guarantee your long term happiness (unless you are completely shallow and care ONLY about these things.)   For long term happiness, it’s more important to have a partner with compassion, understanding and respect.

And when you stop paying attention to the superficial qualities,  you start to look at people in different ways.  Someone you might have previously dismissed as “unsuitable” may suddenly shine in a new light.


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