Before You Can Trust Others, You Need to Trust Yourself

“I don’t trust him,” she said.

“Why?”  I asked.

“I’m afraid he’s going to hurt me.”

And that about sums things up in a nutshell, doesn’t it?  Mistrust of others is a way to protect ourselves.  We doubt their sincerity . we keep up our guard. We proceed under the assumption that others want to cause us harm,  in order that we may avoid the harm.

But what if, hypothetically,  we were invulnerable to harm?  What if we could know another’s true intentions? What if we were so emotionally strong or flexible or Teflon,  no pain could stick to us?  What if we could avoid or roll with any punch?  What if we were emotional Supermen in the face of some two-bit bully?   Would we still have to be so careful about keeping defending ourselves?

Obviously not.   The less fragile you are,  the less careful you need to be.

When you mistrust,  you are essentially saying is,  “I don’t have the ability, experience or knowledge to ascertain real danger,  nor to withstand psychic punches. Thus, I must avoid them at all costs.  And if I err on the side of caution, so be it.”

What if you could hone your instincts about others so you always had a good sense of their intentions? What if you could develop your emotional muscle so you were better equipped to handle life’s slings and arrows?  What if you had utter confidence in your ability to get up, dust yourself off and press on,  unscathed,  like the Emotional Terminator — no matter how many times you got knocked down?  What if you knew how to handle any issue in a productive, satisfactory way?  What if you knew the secret to using pain and disappointment to your advantage?

In fact,  all these are learnable skills, which come with practice (and the right philosophy.)  The better you get at them,  the more you can relax  your guard; the fewer reasons you have to mistrust others.  And the less you mistrust others, the more you can open yourself to love.

There can be no complete love without complete trust,  so before embarking on your quest for True Love,  first, you must learn to trust yourself.

(c) 2012  Adrienne E. Gusoff   All Rights Reserved

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